Reflection for college essay ( process paper)
The revision process from draft 3 to the submission draft was the
most challenging. At this point, it came down to slicing and dicing. One of the
main problems I attacked within my revision was the use of nothing words. I had
often used the words there, anything, and thing. I had also used auxiliary verbs
such as make that I changed. For example, I said, “At first, everything seemed
like it was going to be fine”. I changed this to , “At first, I radiated
confidence”. Another goal of mine when approaching this revision was to combine
sentences into loose, periodic, or loose-periodic sentences. My goal was also to
increase parallel structures. “I
grew up in a warm and sunny household, and what I thought was the perfect
family,” changed to a periodic sentence in the form of, “ I, who had bloomed in
a warm and sunny household, thought that I had the perfect family”. Another
example of this rearranging is when I edited , “ I was the observer,
contemplating how to pick up the pieces of the snake and change my life for the
better, even after all of the bloody carnage witnessed.” This was edited to,
“I, the observer, contemplated how to pick up the pieces off the sake and change
life for the better.” I then added the sentence to further establish my point,
“Its new skin had yet to grow.” This was done to help clarify the metaphor. In terms of parallelism, to hammer in
the point that I had had an epiphany I began a string of sentences with, “ I
would change my life. I would regain my …”
The next item I tackled during this revision was the overall flow of the
piece. I understood that the snake metaphor could come off in a way that I had
not intended, so I played with it to achieve an altered meaning. Instead of
being solely about a dead snake, I added the line to the introduction, “Its new
skin had yet to grow.” This was done in order for the introduction to have a
little bit more of an upbeat feeling so that it could flow a little better with
the rest of the essay, instead of retaining only a sinister-like feel. Unnecessary phrases were taken on. “This
saying is the bible of adolescence,” and, “I lack a full prosecution against
myself,” were taken out as they were both unneeded and confusing. Unnecessary
words that just took up space were deleted. “A dead snake of course, as mother
would have never let a live one breathe for more than five seconds once it
crossed her path,” changed to, “ A dead snake, as Mom never let a live one
breathe five seconds once it crossed her path.” This was done to keep things
from getting monotonous and tedious for the reader.
Another thing I thought the reader might find tedious is the fact that I
only mentioned debate as opposed to theatre, which was commented on by multiple
people. So I attempted to incorporate them both into the sentence ,”
Debate is my cupid’s arrow as it gives me unprecedented control
and power over others opinions, as theatre gives me power over the unconscious
mind of the watcher.” I believe that this sentence gives an impression of who I
am, not just because of what it says I like, but because of the motivating
reason behind it.
The biggest problem of this revision was deciding what could be cut out
in order to achieve clarity. After the syntax activity in class, I had already
cut out the auxiliary verbs and the nothing words, and the praises that just did
not make sense. Then it really came down to what could I combine, and if I could
not combine it, if it could be deleted and it would make sense. These changes
led to, In what is my personal opinion, the most fulfilling revision/editing
that I made. I changed the ten point font to a twelve point font.
most challenging. At this point, it came down to slicing and dicing. One of the
main problems I attacked within my revision was the use of nothing words. I had
often used the words there, anything, and thing. I had also used auxiliary verbs
such as make that I changed. For example, I said, “At first, everything seemed
like it was going to be fine”. I changed this to , “At first, I radiated
confidence”. Another goal of mine when approaching this revision was to combine
sentences into loose, periodic, or loose-periodic sentences. My goal was also to
increase parallel structures. “I
grew up in a warm and sunny household, and what I thought was the perfect
family,” changed to a periodic sentence in the form of, “ I, who had bloomed in
a warm and sunny household, thought that I had the perfect family”. Another
example of this rearranging is when I edited , “ I was the observer,
contemplating how to pick up the pieces of the snake and change my life for the
better, even after all of the bloody carnage witnessed.” This was edited to,
“I, the observer, contemplated how to pick up the pieces off the sake and change
life for the better.” I then added the sentence to further establish my point,
“Its new skin had yet to grow.” This was done to help clarify the metaphor. In terms of parallelism, to hammer in
the point that I had had an epiphany I began a string of sentences with, “ I
would change my life. I would regain my …”
The next item I tackled during this revision was the overall flow of the
piece. I understood that the snake metaphor could come off in a way that I had
not intended, so I played with it to achieve an altered meaning. Instead of
being solely about a dead snake, I added the line to the introduction, “Its new
skin had yet to grow.” This was done in order for the introduction to have a
little bit more of an upbeat feeling so that it could flow a little better with
the rest of the essay, instead of retaining only a sinister-like feel. Unnecessary phrases were taken on. “This
saying is the bible of adolescence,” and, “I lack a full prosecution against
myself,” were taken out as they were both unneeded and confusing. Unnecessary
words that just took up space were deleted. “A dead snake of course, as mother
would have never let a live one breathe for more than five seconds once it
crossed her path,” changed to, “ A dead snake, as Mom never let a live one
breathe five seconds once it crossed her path.” This was done to keep things
from getting monotonous and tedious for the reader.
Another thing I thought the reader might find tedious is the fact that I
only mentioned debate as opposed to theatre, which was commented on by multiple
people. So I attempted to incorporate them both into the sentence ,”
Debate is my cupid’s arrow as it gives me unprecedented control
and power over others opinions, as theatre gives me power over the unconscious
mind of the watcher.” I believe that this sentence gives an impression of who I
am, not just because of what it says I like, but because of the motivating
reason behind it.
The biggest problem of this revision was deciding what could be cut out
in order to achieve clarity. After the syntax activity in class, I had already
cut out the auxiliary verbs and the nothing words, and the praises that just did
not make sense. Then it really came down to what could I combine, and if I could
not combine it, if it could be deleted and it would make sense. These changes
led to, In what is my personal opinion, the most fulfilling revision/editing
that I made. I changed the ten point font to a twelve point font.